the geek diaries

no. 39

somebody told me today that i may have let the person that could have loved me best walk away, without a fight. that broke my heart into a million pieces, and the worst part is that i don’t even know you.

but what they don’t know is that you messed up too. you walked away without giving me the chance to get to know you.

and i let you walk away because i don’t chase after people, i tend to replace them.
so maybe we both have flaws, we both screwed up. i’m sorry for not trying harder, i’m sorry that you never looked back. but what i’m mostly sorry about is that we’ll never find out our alternate ending.

(may 15th 2013)

no. 38

we could’ve had the world, all of it to ourselves.
i didn’t ask for no diamonds, no pearls.
i didn’t care for the Louis or Chanel.
all i wanted was a moment with you sober, alive and well.
all i hoped for was for you to get your life together, because i only wanted to see you succeed.
but you pushed me onto my knees, beat me to the ground,
didn’t even bother to pick me up and my head hit the floor.
and i realized, i can’t help you no more.
i can’t watch you screw up no more.
i simply cannot love you no more.

(but i’m so happy i hit my head).

(March 3rd 2013)

no. 37 - letter to the broken.

I’m not here to fix you.

Even if you are broken, I won’t try to mend you back together. I’ll be here to take care of you, but I cannot glue you back together. That’s something you have to do.

My way of seeing things varies from yours, and the way I might put puzzle pieces back together may not satisfy you.

And that’s okay. Because if I try to fix you, you may grow to hate me and my ideas.

So figure your shit out, and we’ll fall in love because we’re ready, not because of loneliness. And I promise I’ll love every single one of your scars and all each of your stitches.

I promise to take you as you are.
As long as you take me as I am, 
And don’t try to fix me either.

(february 2nd 2013)

no. 36

luckieststudent:

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no. 35

I don’t believe in seeking happiness.

There’s no such thing as finding it. Society makes us believe that happiness is quest, that we can only experience it at certain times and in certain ways, through certain people and certain inanimate thing

I believe this idea is wrong. 

Happiness is not found, it was never lost. You don’t have to go on a quest for happiness: it’s already bundled up in you. The key to unraveling it is having peace of mind. Being at peace with yourself, forgiving yourself as well as others. There is no object or person who can make you permanently happy, except yourself.

Optimism is contagious, and so is happiness. Be happy :) .

(p.s.: if it doesn’t matter in five years, then don’t worry about it.)

(october 5th 2012)

no. 34

I cannot say that I know you very well, however from the sound of your words I can tell that you have been in love. In love with whom? I don’t care. To me that isn’t important. Because that person seems to have hurt you in the end, and now you’re torturing yourself for it.

You say I’m an ice cold bitch with sour words and a bitter heart, when it comes to love at least. I was in love once too, maybe. I’m not sure if it was love. But I know I felt emptiness when he abused himself. When he messed up. When he left.

But I’m past that now. And I can’t pity you. I can’t pity the reflection of what I used to be.

Because loneliness is not only a state of mind, it’s a disease.

(october first 2012)

no. 33

Je ferme mes yeux et me voilà comme Alice au pays des merveilles.

C’est une place inconnue, par contre rien n’engendre la peur car la terreur n’existe pas pour les rêveurs vivants sous le soleil. Je me réjouis d’avoir réussie à échapper le chaos quotidien, du stress qui me bombarde, et des bruits indistincts bourdonnant mes oreilles. Je m’échappe à un monde sans inquiétudes, un endroit où mes rêves sont amples d’ambition, où je réside parmi les nuages.

Je vis une fantaisie que personne ne comprendra.

(august 27th 2012)

no. 32

(june 13th 2012)

no. 31

i pray for world peace, although i know it’s so far fetched.
this may sound selfish but
i just want to see my country out of this mess,
with no more stress and wrecks and children begging in the streets.
i want it to be safe, so they can play without worries and bathe in the summer’s heat.
why can’t everyone just leave us alone? i don’t understand politics, but i know what’s happening is wrong. 

i fear that my grandparents will never get to see peace in lebanon,
they’ve lived their whole lives in war. and that truly breaks my heart. 

God bless Lebanon. please protect us <3

(may 22nd 2012)